Jessi's Faith Journey

Recently I have felt stuck in my faith. Not that I haven't been growing, but I have been stuck in the "in between."  I have been seeing so much of what seems to be contradictions in the bible. Easy examples of this, are all God and   all man, freedom and   servitude, truth and   grace. What God has been showing me, is that they aren't contradictions at all. That word "and" joins them. They go together. Then I really started asking Him, how can I live in the "and"? You see, my whole life, I've been about the truth. Yes God gives me grace, but I don't give it to others, because I didn't know how to give grace  and  truth. I was about the rules. I wanted to be in the "and," I just didn't know how to reconcile both in my head. They will know us by our love, but they know us by our rules. I'm a christian guilty of keeping people from Christ. I have always been about following the rules. If you do this, stay away from that...

I have this friend. He's blind and deaf. And unfortunately he has no one. No family around to care. I visit him sometimes. Every time I see him is just like the first time I saw him. Heartbreaking. I met him a little over a year ago. Sometimes when I visit, I try not to cry, sometimes I know he wouldn't see or hear my despair anyway. Sometimes I think about what goes on in his head. Sometimes it's too painful to think about. My friend is in a dark, quiet place in his head. A pit. His only means of communication is when you write letters in his hand, spelling out words. This means you keep it short. Only say important things. Because it sure would take a while to even tell him about the weather. Would he even care about the weather? Maybe he would because it's one of those things that you feel. You don't necessarily have to see or hear the weather. You feel the wind, or sunshine, on your face. I think about Jesus, and how He only spoke with purpose. He didn't t...

I have really been under attack spiritually lately. With my blog especially. I have struggled very much in the last few weeks about it. Now I see it for what it was, the enemy distracting me. I have felt like whatever I have to say will be laughed at, won't be good enough, or will lead people to see God the wrong way. I think that has been very apparent in my blue bunny bucket post. I felt completely out of my element. I don't know what I'm doing, or how I should be doing it. God gave me some truth today in a form of a sermon. One I needed, even though I didn't realize I did. The battle you face, has to be bigger than you. So that the whole world will know God is bigger than it. Well this blog is it. It's bigger than me. I have shared some things in the past that God put on my heart to share. I have really enjoyed all of the testimonies that you all have shared with me. Now I would like to blog about the things that God is showing me, or working in me. And the devi...

Today is a very special day because seven years ago today, I gave birth to my second son. Kaden Elijah. Every year on this day, I'm very thankful to be alive, because things went horribly wrong in that hospital room for me. I thought I would recount that day, because finally after seven years, I see it differently. I went into the hospital the night before to be induced. They started me off with some Cervidil. Which I won't go into details about because I hope someday my son reads this, and I don't want him gagging. They also put me on Pitocin. Which if you have ever had it, you know, it's not your friend. Anyways I was waiting all day for something to happen, and then it finally did. The epidural that they placed, quit working. (side note, the epidural also quit while giving birth to Arilyn, but without much Pitocin, I handled it fairly well.) With Kaden, the Pitocin made the pain, that I could all of a sudden feel, intense. I can honestly look back and say that I hav...

I would like to start this post by saying it almost never happened. It's been a week since I last posted because I have been so reluctant about telling this story. Quite frankly, I didn't want to tell it. Here's why. When you tell people about something God did for you, and it's not something completely life changing, they tend to think negatively. Example: That's great Karen. God didn't save my grandmother from cancer, but he definitely gave you that brand new Prius. Can I be the first to say that one is not related to the other? Isaiah 55:8 says 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord'. Your experience with God, be it good or bad, had a reason. I can't tell you what that reason is, but I can tell you where to find it. Now back to my almost never happened story, I have felt God bringing this story to me over and over, and I am finally conceding. This is the story of the blue bunny bucket. As my fami...