Jessi's Faith Journey

              I remember the day we got married. I was beautiful, dressed in white. My gorgeous groom standing at the end of the aisle. Our forever waiting on the other side of 'I Do'. I didn't even hesitate. I was never more sure of anything in my life. This man was for me. Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending. I blinked. I'm in a courtroom with that same man, before a magistrate. The best thing we ever did, standing between us, tiny hands tucked into ours, as we dissolve our family.  I regret more than anything that I didn't think ahead and get a sitter. Instead, I let my daughter witness the destruction I was trying to protect her from. I waited until I was alone, then I cried for my daughter. For the consequences my choices would have on her life. For how my decision would shape her as a person. For the family I ripped from her.              Divorce is heavy. It affects my children, my witness, my fa...

I was listening to a program that had the author of 'The Shack' speaking. He was talking about losing everything he owned and starting over. He said something that I wrote down because I thought it was  significant. He said 'the opposite of more, isn't less. The opposite of more, is enough'. I can admit that I struggle with that in my life. We live in a world where we are constantly told that we are less than, if we don't have everything other people have. We concentrate more on others' blessings, than our own. We scroll tirelessly on social media sites, envious of each other's houses, clothes, parenting, hair, personalities, talents, etc. We set up our own perfect pictures, removing any clutter from the photo, and instead, staging what looks to be an intimate hallmark moment. Then we filter it obsessively until it no longer even resembles real life. We make our children get in on the action too. Inadvertently teaching them that the way the world sees ...

I have been fasting for the first time ever. I have also felt incredibly far from God with my thoughts. I have been thinking really mean stuff. I have been on edge and mad at almost everyone for almost anything. I thought maybe it was hormones. I recently asked my mother to pray for me. I don't know why I'm so angry, but I am. She quickly told me she believes it's because I am fasting. When we are trying to fast and pray, the devil will attack. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us to be alert because the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. I was blind. Easy prey. It didn't even dawn on me to guard my mind. I wasn't even paying attention, which is like leaving the door unlocked and open for the enemy to come on in and make himself at home. I like to listen to sermons in the morning. The other day I turned on a sermon by Francis Chan because I firmly believe he is one of the best teachers out there. My Bluetooth speaker has been acting up and ...

I have never wanted to be a nurse. My mother is a nurse and she put me up to it. I had a son and had no idea how to take care of him, and nursing would pay the bills. That's the honest beginning of my nursing career. I've been a nurse for over a decade now, and have worked many places. I once worked for a nursing home that had about 50 residents. There was a stretch there where every patient that passed away, did it on my shift. I got the nickname angel of death. I used to get offended when called that because no one wants to be associated with death. Ironically enough, I've been a hospice nurse for the last 7 years. For those of you who don't know, hospice simply means end of life care. I have listened to a heart, beat its last beat. I have held a persons hand while they took their last breath. I have read scripture to a preachers son as he went into the arms of Jesus. I have had the honor of being there for patients and families as they struggle to say goodbye to th...

Too often people think that Christians think they're perfect. We don't. We know we fail. On a daily basis. We are not better, we  have   something better. You see because we are Christians, we have the hope of the cross. That doesn't make us less human. Most days I wish it did. We are called to be separate from the world, but sometimes we fall into the same pitfalls as anyone else. When we step back and look at the culture, we are actually taught to react without thinking. Take facebook for example. We react with likes or love, sometimes even anger or surprise. We react quickly. We can comment and give our opinion in about ten seconds. We are taught to react to each other and then keep on scrolling. Most times we don't even think about how we reacted. We are conditioned to let people know how we feel about what they think. This is now the age we live in. The age of reaction. I have been watching Andy Griffith a lot with my family lately. I love the show. ...

God gave me something this morning in my bible reading. Something I have pondered for a long time. My reading plan has me in Proverbs right now, and I came to Proverbs 16:4 which says 'The Lord has made all for Himself, Yes, even the wicked for the day of doom'. Let me say that I have a bible with no commentary. I like to read without distraction, so that the Lord can speak to me with His words. Let me also say that I have a number of bibles with commentary in case I don't understand something, I can look and see what scripture means. Proverbs 16:4 was very interesting to me so I got out my MacArthur study bible to see what John had to say about the verse. John MacArthur is incredibly knowledgeable, so if you don't have that study bible, get it. In the commentary it says that the wicked will bring glory to God and referred me to Romans 9:17-23. You can read this for yourself to better understand what I will say next. Verse 18 stuck out to me here because it says 'w...