I have never wanted to be a nurse. My mother is a nurse and she put me up to it. I had a son and had no idea how to take care of him, and nursing would pay the bills. That's the honest beginning of my nursing career. I've been a nurse for over a decade now, and have worked many places. I once worked for a nursing home that had about 50 residents. There was a stretch there where every patient that passed away, did it on my shift. I got the nickname angel of death. I used to get offended when called that because no one wants to be associated with death.
Ironically enough, I've been a hospice nurse for the last 7 years. For those of you who don't know, hospice simply means end of life care.
I have listened to a heart, beat its last beat. I have held a persons hand while they took their last breath. I have read scripture to a preachers son as he went into the arms of Jesus. I have had the honor of being there for patients and families as they struggle to say goodbye to their loved one. I have fought tears while watching a wife literally throw her body over her dead husband. I have seen people in shock, in grief, in comfort. I have gently bathed a woman who couldn't even speak anymore. I have fed a former CEO of a company who could no longer maintain the independence he strived for in his life. I have witnessed an 8 year old boy staying the night at the cancer hospital to be with his dad who didn't have much time. I have talked to an atheist patient who told me his mother fully loved the Lord and my heart ached for her. I have watched many people fade away into dementia and not even recognize their own children. I have witnessed the horror and beauty that dying is.
When I tell people I'm a hospice nurse, I immediately get the reaction "you're an angel, I could never do that." It always made me so uncomfortable. What do you say to that compliment? I've had years to think about it, and this is what I want to say: As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace. Whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies- in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 4:10-11.
I was given the gift to be able to take care of people in the way that I do. I could never do it on my own. Watching people die and families hurt for years takes its toll. You cannot walk away unscathed. This is where total reliance on God is pertinent. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I serve by the strength He supplies. Even when it's hard.
God has put me in the position I am for a purpose. His purpose. If I rest in that every day, I can go to work. I can do what needs to be done.
Being called an angel of death no longer offends me. I feel close to God in my work. There are times when a patient passes on that I sit and revere the fact that they are face to face with the creator.
If there's a greater privilege than getting to hold someone's hand while Jesus takes the other one, I can't think of it.
Ironically enough, I've been a hospice nurse for the last 7 years. For those of you who don't know, hospice simply means end of life care.
I have listened to a heart, beat its last beat. I have held a persons hand while they took their last breath. I have read scripture to a preachers son as he went into the arms of Jesus. I have had the honor of being there for patients and families as they struggle to say goodbye to their loved one. I have fought tears while watching a wife literally throw her body over her dead husband. I have seen people in shock, in grief, in comfort. I have gently bathed a woman who couldn't even speak anymore. I have fed a former CEO of a company who could no longer maintain the independence he strived for in his life. I have witnessed an 8 year old boy staying the night at the cancer hospital to be with his dad who didn't have much time. I have talked to an atheist patient who told me his mother fully loved the Lord and my heart ached for her. I have watched many people fade away into dementia and not even recognize their own children. I have witnessed the horror and beauty that dying is.
When I tell people I'm a hospice nurse, I immediately get the reaction "you're an angel, I could never do that." It always made me so uncomfortable. What do you say to that compliment? I've had years to think about it, and this is what I want to say: As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace. Whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies- in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 4:10-11.
I was given the gift to be able to take care of people in the way that I do. I could never do it on my own. Watching people die and families hurt for years takes its toll. You cannot walk away unscathed. This is where total reliance on God is pertinent. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I serve by the strength He supplies. Even when it's hard.
God has put me in the position I am for a purpose. His purpose. If I rest in that every day, I can go to work. I can do what needs to be done.
Being called an angel of death no longer offends me. I feel close to God in my work. There are times when a patient passes on that I sit and revere the fact that they are face to face with the creator.
If there's a greater privilege than getting to hold someone's hand while Jesus takes the other one, I can't think of it.
Great post! This is beautiful. And you are a blessing to many! Its great to know that in the mist of such heart ache, God is guiding you.
ReplyDeleteLisa
Thank you ❤❤
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