Just because it's simple, doesn't mean it's easy

I hope someday that this blog is read by my children, and I do try to keep them in mind when I write them. I want them to know all that God is teaching me. I think sometimes when we write important stuff, we surround a point with a bunch of useless words. This was put on my heart and I'm going to keep this one simple.

Love is a choice.
Hate is a choice.
Joy is a choice.
Anger is a choice.

What you choose, is what you will become. Choose love. Choose joy. Over and over again. Choose Jesus. Over and over again.

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Drive Safe

I remember the day before. Telling him that he was dying. I prepared myself, but in the end, I couldn’t even say the words. Even now I can’t say the “D” word. I have built myself up enough to say he has passed away. I feel that is enough. I remember the words I chose at his bedside and how determined I was to be strong for him. “You’re not walking out of here this time,” I said. “There’s nothing more they can do.” I remember the look on his face. The way he turned away and stared at the ceiling. He did that a lot here lately whenever he didn’t want to hear what was being said. “Daddy?” He looked at me. “Do you understand?” “Yes.” He mouthed. He now had a trach in place so it was then that I realized I would never get to hear his voice again. “Are you okay?” I asked. ...

Happily Ever After

I remember the day we got married. I was beautiful, dressed in white. My gorgeous groom standing at the end of the aisle. Our forever waiting on the other side of 'I Do'. I didn't even hesitate. I was never more sure of anything in my life. This man was for me. Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending. I blinked. I'm in a courtroom with that same man, before a magistrate. The best thing we ever did, standing between us, tiny hands tucked into ours, as we dissolve our family. I regret more than anything that I didn't think ahead and get a sitter. Instead, I let my daughter witness the destruction I was trying to protect her from. I waited until I was alone, then I cried for my daughter. For the consequences my choices would have on her life. For how my decision would shape her as a person. For the family I ripped from her. Divorce is heavy. It affects my children, my witness, my fa...

Angel of Death

I have never wanted to be a nurse. My mother is a nurse and she put me up to it. I had a son and had no idea how to take care of him, and nursing would pay the bills. That's the honest beginning of my nursing career. I've been a nurse for over a decade now, and have worked many places. I once worked for a nursing home that had about 50 residents. There was a stretch there where every patient that passed away, did it on my shift. I got the nickname angel of death. I used to get offended when called that because no one wants to be associated with death. Ironically enough, I've been a hospice nurse for the last 7 years. For those of you who don't know, hospice simply means end of life care. I have listened to a heart, beat its last beat. I have held a persons hand while they took their last breath. I have read scripture to a preachers son as he went into the arms of Jesus. I have had the honor of being there for patients and families as they struggle to say goodbye to th...

Jessi's Faith Journey

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