Jessi's Faith Journey

One thing I have discovered, is that I have many testimonies of what God has done in my life. Some of them aren't known to everyone, until this blog of course. One in particular, I sort of lived out on social media. I will never forget the day that I walked into the ICU. It's exactly like you imagine it in your head. Doctors and nurses talking in hushed tones, beeping coming from every room, and strangers looking confused and desperate. As many of you know, my dad ended up in one of these rooms. What many of you don't know, is what my dad was like before. He was a stubborn man, who didn't believe in doctors, and could fix anything he touched. He was grumpy, but kind. He once rescued a opossum from under his house, because he couldn't bear the thought of killing it. He liked to tell stories and emphasized the best part, more than once. He would stop midsentence to remember the street name, long after people quit paying attention. He is the reason I even know who ...

Two of my guilty pleasures, were cigarettes and murder mysteries. They were two of my favorite things. The murder mystery love went as far as I can remember. I read goosebumps as a kid, then graduated to fear street. One day in high school, our teacher gave us a Mary Higgins Clark book to read. I was hooked. I loved them, I read all of her books. Then I moved on to a new author, and then another, and then another. Until somewhere along the way it took a very dark turn. I was reading a particularly dark set of novels. Morbid and sexually deviant. I felt a little twinge of disgust, but I sure did love a good murder mystery, so I pushed through. That's what I did when I was disgusted with my own behavior. I pushed through until I was completely desensitized to what I was doing. It was easy to rationalize too. It was fake after all. I was also watching many shows on murder. My favorite was a show called snapped. If you don't know what this is, it's a show about women killing t...

Before my next post, I want to make sure that everyone understands that God speaks to us in a multitude of ways. It can be through His word, through prayer, the Holy Spirit, and sometimes our own circumstances. Just because this is how He chose to interact with me, doesn't mean that He will do the same with you. There are things that have happened between me and God. Things that I have been waiting to tell my kids. One of those things happened shortly after I started searching for God's heart. I had since decided that I was sure God was there, just that he wasn't listening to me. Or maybe I wasn't listening to Him. That day as I was sitting in church, I had finally had it. I'm not even sure what Pastor was preaching about (sorry Pastor Paul) because I was angry and I was just yelling at God in my head. I decided to demand He let me know He was there. I want a sign, and not just any sign. No, I need to know that it's actually God, so it has to be something spec...

I'm not sure how to start a blog, as I've never even read one, so I suppose I will wing it. This blog is to serve two purposes. The first, is I want a place where I can talk about all that God has done in my life. The way He changes me and my perspective. The second, is a little morbid haha. If and when I'm gone, I want a place my kids can go to read about what God has done in my life. That maybe it will give them strength to follow, and hope to persevere, knowing God is everything. With that said, Tahcowa, Kaden, and Arilyn- I hope that you know how much you are loved. That I always had great intentions, just sometimes lacked follow through. I hope that when you guys are older and read mommy's blog, you will see the love that I have for the Lord, and find Him to be the most important thing in your life as well. All I ever wanted as a mother, was to get you three to the foot of the cross. That's where real love is, and I'd give everything for you to see that. I...