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Spirit Lead Me

These past few months in my life have been strange to say the least. I have felt God leading me in places that have required complete trust in Him. I had been living in a way that doesn't require much faith. I had pushed God to the sidelines. My thoughts were simply, I will tag Him in when I need Him. I hadn't been giving Him my everything. I had been holding onto all of it, because it's all mine to bear. Recently I was walking down the hallway and saw Arilyn trying to pick up her scooter. It was too heavy. Without thinking twice, Arilyn looked up at her big brother and said "here Tahcowa, you carry this. It's too heavy for me, but you're strong." In that moment I wanted to be like my daughter. I wanted to look up at God and say "Here, this is all too heavy for me, but you're strong." I have been praying for Him to make my desire His desires. I have been asking the Holy Spirit to lead me. I know that the plans He has for my life, are infinitely better than anything I could dream up. For I am His daughter, and who doesn't want what's best for their daughter?
I have been learning, albeit slowly, to listen to the Spirit. Recently God called us out of the church that we considered home for about four years. It was really hard to walk away because we loved these people. We loved this church. I had plans for my son to marry a little girl in this church. I had plans to be coordinator of angel tree this year. I had plans to serve in the fall fun fest, as I had every year.  I had plans for our lives there. I had plans.
Sometimes we are called to leave the comforts we have. Sometimes we are called to leave the church we love. Sometimes we are called to just be obedient to the Spirit, not knowing where He is leading. I have really struggled because I was comfortable in our church. That's where I wanted our kids to grow up. I wanted them surrounded by good Christian people.
I recently read a book called Letters to the Church, by Francis Chan. In it he says "We're busy reassuring one another that God wants us to do what's safest for our families and to pursue God in a way that looks suspiciously similar to what we'd naturally do if our only concern was our own comfort and happiness." Now I would never say that anyone else is guilty of doing that, but I know I am. That's exactly what I was doing. I wanted so much to stay where I felt safe. Where I felt my kids were safe.
God doesn't want to keep us where we're safe, He wants to put us where we're effective.
I finally decided to give in to the Spirit and let go of all the stuff I was holding onto. I have truly felt lost at sea these past few months. I have questioned God a million times. I have almost went back to my church home every week. I have been uncomfortable, angry, and sad. I have told God over and over what I thought, felt, wanted. Every single time I have also told God that His will, not mine, be done. Send me. I want to live in faith. I want to know that no matter what happens, I'm following the Spirit, and that will always be enough to sustain me.
I am now at the church I believe God lead me to, and can rest in knowing that I'm living in His will.
I miss being a part of my old church. I miss the pastor, the worship, the outreach. I miss the people. I'm hoping to maintain relationships with all of them. They are, and always will be, my family.
John 3:8 says "The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit."
I may not have known where I was going, or why, but I do know that I'll go where the wind blows.

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